That one question we are asked by healthcare professionals, friends, family and nosy neighbours....

Thursday, 30 August 2012

A change in medication!

As any sufferer of chronic pain will know having the right medication can make a world of difference. At times we can feel like guinea pigs being told to try one pill after another. Each time we are hoping that this one will work and improve our standard of living.

Following my appointment at Guys I have stopped taking both Fluoxetine and Amitriptyline in preparation to start taking Duloxetine and possibly Pregabalin. Now I have been taking the first two for some time and in my opinion should have been weaned off. However my GP had different ideas... "It will be a much quicker process if you just stop taking them". And so this is now day 11 of not having taken anything other than Codeine throughout the day.

There was a slight problem with the letter from Guys to myself and the GP detailing the change in meds in the sense that it was not clear with the dosage of Pregabalin. Now instead of my GP calling, emailing or writing to the hospital in time for my appointment with him, he requests that I should call Guys and find out the information! What a waste of an appointment as when I called you just get a pre-recorded message and they endeavour to call you back within three working days. Now to my mind this is also very unprofessional, how can the GP prescribe me a drug with no written confirmation of dose? 

Week one was definitely harder, I was extremely irritable, emotional and not to mention exhausted. I could not get to sleep at night which in turn meant I was not getting enough sleep. This made me a very difficult person to be around. Although I am still very tired and somewhat tearful the other side affects seem to have died down. On Monday I shall start the Duloxetine and begin the cycle of a whole new set of side affects, oh joy!

Have you tried and tested lots of different medication? Have you found something that really works for you?

Take care for now

Marie x

Tuesday, 28 August 2012


I do not know where to start in writing this post...

It has been such an emotional rollercoaster these last few weeks. I have spent the most part in bed, wishing the days away. My life has been turned upside down. 

I really believed William and I had got it right this time, that we were going to live happy-ever-after. I had never been so happy, so in love, so determined to work through whatever was thrown our way. Then a secret was discovered and it changed everything. I had gone from looking at this man and seeing someone I adored to seeing someone who I felt I no longer knew. I made the decision to leave. This was far from easy. He was meant to be my husband. He was my best friend, my soul mate. We had planned our childrens names, what kind of house we wanted to buy... Three and a half years of love, laughter and adventures all ended. All my dreams and hopes for the future gone.

Knowing that I have made the right decision in the long run is all that is keeping me going. There hasn't been a day that has passed when I haven't thought of William and felt sad. I miss him terribly and I don't expect that feeling to go away any time soon. I can't even begin to imagine what my future now holds, its too scary without him. My whole world has collapsed around me.

I am truly devastated, I feel lost, empty and hopeless.

As the tears roll down my cheeks I can no longer even muster up a single thought...

Take care for now

Marie x

Monday, 20 August 2012

Grant me...

the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Some things in life we are able to work at in order to achieve what we desire. Others we must simply accept the way they are. This however is often much easier said than done. I have found that with most of my key relationships I have sometimes lacked the wisdom to recognise what I can and cannot change and struggled to accept this.

The mental battle I have endured since early childhood with regard to my relationship with my mother is arguably the hardest. Although I am sure she loves me in her own way she has never been the mum that I so badly wanted and needed. Many psychologists later I have learnt that I must accept she is the way she is and I cannot change her. Knowing this certainly doesn't make dealing with the feelings of being unloved, unwanted and misunderstood any easier. 

Then there are the physical things I cannot change, my height, my nose, my long-term illness - Fibromyalgia. Not I, the doctor nor the professor can take away the pain and all that comes with it. Accepting that you have a long term health condition, whatever it may be, is the most important step to managing your day to day life. You must learn your limits whether that be how far you walk, what foods you eat or what time you take your medication. This is not easy, you feel as though your life has become a shadow of its former self. I felt I had been given a life sentence. After lots of crying and asking "Why me?" I knew there was only one thing I could do, accept it. No amount of crying, anger or denial was going to change it. I have Fibromyalgia, yes it is a part of my life but I will not allow myself to be consumed by it.

Then there is the issue with William, how much of this I care to divulge with my lovely readers I am not sure yet. It is still rather raw and I am still trying to make some sense of it in my own mind. However I'm a strong believer in Karma and that good always prevails evil.

Being able to accept situations and move forward is a key skill in life.

What have you had to accept that you cannot change? Or are you struggling to do this?

Take care for now

Marie x

Sunday, 19 August 2012


Just a quick post to say how sorry I am that is has been so long since I last wrote. I have had a rather eventful few weeks to say the least! On a positive I've been on my holidays with the Bestie and then with the grandparents. On a negative although it is also a positive, I have split with William the boyfriend (more on that to follow).

Also I have a very small claim to fame...I was featured in the Panorama film "Disabled or Faking It?" regarding ESA and ATOS work capability assessment.

I shall be writing a proper post tonight or tomorrow, I promise :-)

Take care for now

Marie x